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bird poops on plum branch


Buster Benson

No advice column.

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from today's fan mail pile
bird poops on plum branch
I just got this email from one of my fans regarding the Morale-O-Meter and the fact that I'm a deadbeat. It cracked me up.
This morale-o-meter makes no sense. You're plotting on the same vertical axes measurements in units of time (sleep), in units of weight (caffeine), in units of volume (alcohol), and then totally subjective units (morale, health).

Ali: "Hey, Erik Benson, what time is it?"
Erik Benson: "Um.... 4 pints of beer."
Ali: "Dude, I need $5 bucks. How much can you spare RIGHT NOW?"
Erik Benson: "Ummmmm.... really happy?"

this is the worst attempt at quantification i have i've ever seen.

if you were serious about making a good morale-o-meter, or even a cute display that didn't piss off people who know better, you could have put these different measures on appropriately different axes.


Ps: and pay those fuckers their $10 for jumping in that pool. noone likes a deadbeat, especially one who can't make quantitative plots.

Hee hee. How should I reply?

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you should reply by altering his morale data to make him look like a total alcoholic.

you can begin by asking him who the hell noone is. cause apparently this noone character likes a deadbeat. and people who don't recognize that no one does not = one word (it even looks silly) might not want to cast stones.

That was pretty funny

It was either a practical joke, maybe one of your friends, or some nut. If it were me I wouldn't respond. They're probably crazy.

Stephanie the perfectly sane cat lady

choose one:

"Really happy!"


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