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bird poops on plum branch


Buster Benson

No advice column.

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bird poops on plum branch
Last year I did a little survey of a few magazines for men trying to get a baseline for what I, as a single male in today's society, am supposed to be like. I think it's time to revisit that again, so I went out and got 4 magazines: GQ, Esquire, Maxim, and for a little balance, Elle. I haven't started reading them yet but there was a neat little booklet in GQ called GQ Rules with 25 Essential Tips, Secrets, and Shortcuts Guaranteed to Improve Your Style. Here they are:

1) Buy a two-button suit (the days of three-button dominance are over... damn!)
2) Chances are, you're wearing a suit a size too large
3) Put toe taps on your leather-soled dress shoes
4) Get matching wooden hangers (it'll transform your closet!)
5) If you're going to own one sweater, make it a charcoal gray v-neck
6) A black J.M Weston belt works with khakis, jeans, suits, everything (and only cost $350!)
7) A dark, slim tie will instantly give any ensemble a younger, cooler feel
8) Your raincoat should be as trim and tailored as your suits (oh, it is. it is!)
9) Invest in a classic one- or two-button tuxedo with peak or notch labels (it makes no sense stylistically or fiscally to rent a tuxedo each time I attend a black-tie event)
10) Don't waste money on a fancy lint remover (save that tenner for your tuxedo, bitch)
11) Learn how to tie a bow tie!
12) Get a long, dark scarf (and wear it even if it isn't too cold)
13) Learn how to form a dimple in your tie
14) Cordovan dreess shoes are indispensable, indispensable!
15) If you want your suits to survive, dry-clean them infrequently
16) Puffy or multipeaked pocket squares are dorky (mine should be, well, square--like Sean Connery's)
17) Always stow a dress shirt at the office
18) Keep your dopp kit stocked and ready to go (ibuprofen, toothbrush, condoms, etc)
19) Tell your dry cleaner you want your dress shirts cleaned without starch and pressed by hand
20) The gray crew-neck sweatshirt is an american classic
21) Invest in a great shoulder bag
22) When you wear your trim two-button suit, leave the belt in the closet--you don't need one
23) Wear cuff links without a tie
24) When wearing sunglasses with a suit or sport coat, wire-rimmed aviators are your most refined and understated option
25) Sambas are the one sneaker that always goes well with a suit

I can't wait to get started.

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What's with the suit fetish, GQ? Damn.

Yes, these magazines are all talking about the suits. Clearly the Northwest isn't listening. But each of the three I've skimmed so far has weighed in on the two-button versus three-button trend that is currently sweeping the nation. Two-button is the current trend, some say to hop on, others to stand firm with the more classic three-button, and others say to ignore and pay attention to other more important factors such as cuff links.

It is really good to hear that the evil media has decided to start sucking up men's brains with complete wastes of time finally.


I fucking love cuff links. Vintage cuff links are like a dollar a pair and you can get supercool ones at yard sales, thrift stores, and vintage stores. I am currently searching for tiger eye cuff links to wear with french cuffed shirts (I think french cuffs on girls are ultra cute). Anyway, you probably don't care about this, but since I had an opinion on cuff links I had to weigh in.

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