Go easy on yourself. (buster) wrote,
Go easy on yourself.

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A long inventory of things on Sept 12th, 2008

An inventory of things, for  purely mental organization purposes.  I've been in a mental funk all week and this is how I plan on getting out of it.  A state of the union not of what I am going to do or what I want to do, but what is happening right now.

September 7th was the 2-year anniversary of the day that I changed my name to Buster McLeod.  At the time the plan was to change it for a year, but then I took a liking to it and decided to keep it a while longer.  As far as life experiences go, it ranks up there with one of my favorite whimsical acts, and has made me see the world in a completely new way.  A place where names are intentional, even if intentionally unintentional, and how they attach you to ideas, people, businesses, and the public's general understanding of you.

I'm getting married on October 4th to the love of my life.  The level of stokedness I have about this whole endeavor cannot be expressed in words.  Which is why vows are being so difficult to write!

September 1st, 2004 was the first day at the Robot Co-op, where I have been working now for years.  43 Things has been a joy to work  on and has had a huge impact on my life.  Thinking about goals every day at work does an amazing thing to your brain... it sets in motion strange clockworks that make you do even bigger and more ambitious things than you ever thought you would.  The Robot Co-op is a huge positive force in my life.

October 15th, 2006, will mark the 2-year anniversary of signing the lease on the McLeod Residence space (and Kellianne's birthday).  Talk about projects a little over my head.  This was started because I wanted to gamble everything on a creative endeavor, and it has been a gigantic learning experience from day one.  When you put a creative effort out there, it sure has a tendency to bounce back and do all kinds of weird things to your goals, your relationships, your ideas, your fears, your everything.  McLeod Residence has probably been the single most difficult, scary, and interesting endeavor of my life so far.

I moved to Seattle in September of 1995.  I've been here 13 years.  And it still doesn't seem old.  It has innumerable strong points, and a few weak points.  I always thought I would get restless here, but instead I learned that it's not where you live, but what you do where you live that has the true impact on quality of life.

Other projects going on at the moment:
  • Slow weights.  Started last October, so have been going almost a year.  My goal was to gain 10 lbs, and I've gained, at certain points, up to 10 lbs, only to be lost during Health month, my flu series, and the most recent juice fast.  I definitely feel a lot stronger and look more fit than I did a year ago.  And now I'm spoiled and never feel like doing weights at the gym.  Going to the gym has been relegated to pure mental balance justifications.
  • Health in general.  Learning about calories, exercise, habits, and what it takes to be truly healthy.  Not just superficially, but the kind of health that makes the mind and the body and the spirit super strong.  And what motivations are sufficient to strive for healthiness.
  • Writing a book.  Well, more, taking notes.  I have been collecting thoughts an notes on the topics of body language, difficult work, emotions, etiqutte, flow/peak experiences, lifestyle, motivation, and obstacles for the last 6 months on a private wiki.  I'm positive that all of these topics are somehow related to one another and that they can be condensed into a cohesive whole.  But it's on the shelf until after the wedding.
  • iPhone apps.  Ones on sale already, one's in development for Robot Co-op, and one's in the planning stages.  The last is on hold until after the wedding.
  • 8:36pm.  A lifelong project.  I want to do more with this site once I have a chance.
  • Trying to be a better person overall.  Focusing on breath, posture, intentions, and morale. Continuing to revise my Unified Theory for Enjoyable Living until it becomes stable from month to month.  The most important parts of it being "it's not what you do but how you do it that matters," and "pursue shared enjoyment". 
  • Shenanigansett!
I go round in circles through the years, building and building, sometimes breaking, sometimes building again.


laurelfan  mentioned this quote: "When you don't create things, you become defined by your tastes rather than ability. your tastes only narrow & exclude people. So create."

Today I was eating lunch and I heard this really bad song playing at Noodle Ranch.  I had a conversation in my head with the waiter about the song.  I said "This song is REALLY BAD!" and he said, "Oh.  It's my band," and then I said, "Oh, well, it's really just this one line in the chorus that I don't like." And then I would feel bad, and also feel like I had taken a strong stance on something that I didn't really have a strong stance on, mostly for the entertainment of exaggeration.  But more importantly, I would listen to the song with different ears... and realize that the song isn't necessarily painful so much as not my taste.  And my comment about the badness of the song was more about a conversation, and a potential bonding experience around bad songs, than it was an actual judgment of the song.  

And as I thought about it, most of my preferences of good and bad tie to a sense of belonging to a certain demographic, or to a community of like-minded thinkers.  The actual goodness and badness of experiences is 90% fabricated and, at least for me, easily flip-flopped on should the consensus shift.  I guess you could say I am sort of wishy-washy.  But also, I think it's just that I'm not really as attached to the quality of things as much as the quality of interpersonal relationships and how things intertwine with them.

Hating something can be a form of entertainment.  I'm going to try to remove hate as a form of entertainment from my list of consumables.  If I truly dislike something, rather than gain enjoyment from that dislike, I think it's more fruitful to use that energy to either fix the disliked thing, or, if it's mostly my problem, simply remove it from my attention and focus on things I like instead.  Is this flawed thinking?

I think that completes my inventory for the most part.  And I feel a lot better, and calmer.  Weird.  It's like we're babies learning how to drive crazy brains that are out of control.  It gets a little sketchy sometimes and I apologize for going through it all publicly.  It helps though, somehow.

Now time for some sushi with out of town guest, interimlover.  And hopefully I'll be able to sleep well tonight.
Tags: best of 2008

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