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bird poops on plum branch


Buster Benson

No advice column.

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bird poops on plum branch
I am tired of hearing John Richards talk about his stupid baby and how it will be born any day any day any day now. Today? Nope. Tomorrow? Maybe! Wait, nope. Who cares about babies? Not me! Who cares if John Richards is engaging the Seattle radio-listening community about his cute impending fatherhood? Definitely not me!

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all the other djs are talking about it too! i hate john richards and now i hate his unborn child.

Me too! Let's go beat John Richards and his unborn child up.


oh wait, just realized this is a beer belly, not a baby. was wrong.

i still heart john in the morning and his annoying bastard child.

I have a beer baby too! awww...much cuter than a real one, I think.

Beer babies are the new brown argyle.

Distance makes the heart grow more tolarant of waking up to annoying baby updates every 30 seconds interspersed with goo-goo and gaw-gaw sounds that one suspects John Richards isn't even aware of having made.

goo-goo????????!!! no. nooooooooooooo.

ha, the fact is i haven't even listened to john since i left seattle. wait, no, i did ONCE. but i DO still get his daily playlist even though i unsubscribed, and for some reason i still read it and for some reason i still adore him.

Overdue babies start eating their crap in utero. That's punishment enough IMO

I feel like I was just sort of punished a little bit by learning about that.

there is relief in my tummy knowing i was born early....oy, that is something they definitely did not cover in my human development class in college. uch.

Unborn babies eat and breathe the amniotic fluid near the end of their term, as sort of a way to "practice" breathing and swallowing in the outside world. The swallowed fluid is excreted as "Meconium," usually after the baby is born. But for an overdue baby, he may do the Meconium thing before birth, in which case it will be introduced into the amniotic fluid, and potentially aspirated into the lungs. It's pretty dangerous.

the baby is an awkward juggling

between cute and repulsive. its helplessness being what draws older humans to it and yet is simultaneously the core of its vileness. the baby has a core of vileness. never have i recognized the shape and color of this core more clearly than now. let's take another moment to consider the umbilical cord fresh out the womb, the corporeal tether. can there be any doubt that the idea of the alien came straight from the mind of one stunned by the sight of a fresh born babe, wondering what kind of beast had just been permitted to see the light of day?
on an unrelated note, benlah, i ran out of printer paper and am thus on a forced hiatus from disaster 1/3 of the way through. i am loving it much. i am correcting typos, etc., as I go through so that you will have no reason not to publish it immediately, and so I can have two of your books in my minibrary. you must do nano this year too. please, i must have you create another. if the world must have babies, let them be babies spawned from the union of tree pulp and language.

OH MY GOD THE BABY'S NAME IS ARLIE?!!!!! wtf? that's the juno singer's name, i think.


Amanda Wilde is, at this very moment, "repeating once again" that little Arlie is the cutest baby in the world and that she's almost 22 hours old. That's good cause about half an hour ago she was only a little over 21 hours old. What will happen next! I can't leave the stereo!

i miss matt nichols :(

You can always visit him during visiting hours. :)

he actually went to jail?

Nah, I doubt it. I wouldn't be too sad if he was put in asshole jail though... for a while at least.

you've met him/hung out with him?

No, I guess I'm lame and have just read about him:

I guess the stranger could be exaggerating, but anyone that gets that violent is off my friends list. Have you met him?

i haven't, but i'm inclined to take it with a grain of salt. not that i think violence is a good thing, but i've been in plenty of relationship situations where an article could've been written afterward about how i was an abusive person.. but if you knew both sides of the story, you'd feel it was just a dysfunctional situation all around ;)

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