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buster


Buster Benson

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free association while I wait for Kellianne to get ready...
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buster
Is it true that you can only appreciate things that you earn?

Should, therefore, everyone have a few really bad jobs before they are able to have one that is truly fulfilling?

Should, therefore, everyone have the world fall completely apart before they learn to see the beautiful things in the every day?

Should, therefore, everyone have a few really difficult relationships before they can have a truly great one?

Is it true that it's not what happens to you but whether it brings out your good or bad qualities?

Should, therefore, everyone stop talking about what is happening and focus on who they are becoming?

Should, therefore, everyone rise to the occasion whenever they can?

How do you raise yourself when pain and torture are requirements for true satisfaction?

How do you help others when the things you would never wish upon anyone else, let alone yourself, is what made you who you are?

Should, therefore, everyone seek out extraordinary problems, if they feel strong enough to be good in the face of them?

Or, should, therefore, everyone just give everyone else a break, including themselves?

Or, should, therefore, we look for cues of celebration and mourning and kick those into place with empathy?

So much is happening right now.  So much that I didn't expect: surprises and tricks of false assumptions.  I feel productive for the first time in months.  Working on and delighting in a sxsw party, a party tonight, love, McLeod, the Robot Co-op, home, friends, nemeses, being thorough, listening, weighing ego, exploring biases, brute forcing through misunderstandings, and trying to find out my own true intentions.

It's so easy to be too much or too little.  Too warm or too cold.  The temptation to self-monitor might make you appear more together from a distance, but might prevent you from being true open self when the time comes.

Four quadrants.  One axis: trapped in your own shell to no sense of personal space.  Closed or open to connecting with who you really are versus your safe self.  The other axis: one up on the world or one down on the world.  Do you create violence in the world or within yourself.

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Should, therefore, everyone have a few really bad jobs before they are able to have one that is truly fulfilling?
- yes

Should, therefore, everyone have the world fall completely apart before they learn to see the beautiful things in the every day?
- yes

Should, therefore, everyone have a few really difficult relationships before they can have a truly great one?
- no

Is it true that it's not what happens to you but whether it brings out your good or bad qualities?
- yes & no

Should, therefore, everyone stop talking about what is happening and focus on who they are becoming?
- no

Should, therefore, everyone rise to the occasion whenever they can?
- yes

How do you raise yourself when pain and torture are requirements for true satisfaction?
- you seek it out in doses, in controlled environments, unless it gets you first

How do you help others when the things you would never wish upon anyone else, let alone yourself, is what made you who you are?
- storytelling as inoculation

Should, therefore, everyone seek out extraordinary problems, if they feel strong enough to be good in the face of them?
- yes

Or, should, therefore, everyone just give everyone else a break, including themselves?
- yes

Or, should, therefore, we look for cues of celebration and mourning and kick those into place with empathy?
- if you have the capacity

Do you create violence in the world or within yourself.
- both, & the world can create violence within you.

I get it. I was walking all around Capitol Hill yesterday thinking about some of these things, but not quite as coherently. Here is a poem to supplement your free associations:

http://www.elise.com/quotes/poetry/naomi.htm

Also, I refer you back to Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" (". . .we must always trust in the difficult. . ."), and to Philo of Alexandria, who said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is facing a great battle."

My work here is done. Now I'm going computer shopping!

Is it true that you can only appreciate things that you earn?

I don't think so, though it's easy to feel that you've "earned" things that come to you through no doing on your part after an extended period of bullshit/misfortunes in your life... for example, I *really* appreciate a small but very helpful unexpected inheritance from my grandparents – though I can't say I earned it per se, it certainly felt that way because a. I had to wait many many months between hearing of it and actually receiving a check for most of it and b. so many sucky money/career related things have happened to us in the last two years that I'd all but resigned myself to a life of having little funds, let alone rewarding decent-paying work.

Should, therefore, everyone have a few really bad jobs before they are able to have one that is truly fulfilling?

If this is the case, then I hopefully it means I'm finally due for a real opportunity career-wise (or even just tide-me-over-job-wise). I don't need any more really bad jobs nor bait-and-switch "opportunities."

Should, therefore, everyone have the world fall completely apart before they learn to see the beautiful things in the every day?

There's probably some logic in this...

Should, therefore, everyone have a few really difficult relationships before they can have a truly great one?

We can testify that they do prepare you pretty well for the truly great one, though you have to watch out for the occasional need to diffuse previous baggage rather than let it carry over into a seemingly current concern.

Is it true that it's not what happens to you but whether it brings out your good or bad qualities?

Are we passing judgment on things that bring out the bad qualities? Or on us allowing our bad qualities to be brought out? I've definitely found that recent events have brought out some pretty bad qualities in me, and after a time I've been able to see the value in being given the opportunity to explore unlearning some of them... but if I have a choice, I'd still prefer to not have people disrespect my contributions.

Should, therefore, everyone stop talking about what is happening and focus on who they are becoming?

I think so.

Should, therefore, everyone rise to the occasion whenever they can?

Perhaps this ought to be a given. But I guess everyone has the right to wallow, too. Don't know where that leaves us...

How do you raise yourself when pain and torture are requirements for true satisfaction?

I don't think they are. These things may be requirements specifically for experiencing a sense of *relief* rather than one of true satisfaction. Perhaps reaching a point beyond which we no longer require painful, torturous experiences to teach us about true satisfaction is part of human evolution?

How do you help others when the things you would never wish upon anyone else, let alone yourself, is what made you who you are?

*How* we help others may be a bit of a mystery. But luckily, we can tell that somehow we do. At least, if they tell us that we've helped, we can know.

Should, therefore, everyone seek out extraordinary problems, if they feel strong enough to be good in the face of them?

Yes, especially when we think we stand a chance of contributing toward their solutions.

Or, should, therefore, everyone just give everyone else a break, including themselves?

Yes.

Or, should, therefore, we look for cues of celebration and mourning and kick those into place with empathy?

Genuinely shared experiences enrich our lives.

So much is happening right now... brute forcing through misunderstandings...

I could use some advice on this one if you've got any to share. I tend to want to give up in disgust after repeated failed attempts at getting through... it's really hard sometimes to get away from the idea that someone is being a jerk/idiot. That may sound judgmental of me, but sometimes a lot of evidence piles up over time spent dealing with someone, you know? ;-)

Four quadrants

Have you read/heard of Terry Real's work (relational living)? This reminds me of something he said in a recent workshop...

I kinda lost the plot around question 6 but the first 6 struck me as pretty dead on.

or should everyone throw out dualism?

And try the third or unnumbered way where there aren't two sides (or four quadrants) -- what is happening and who you are becoming are the same thing, suffering and satisfaction are the same thing, difficult relationships and great relationships are the same thing.


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