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buster


Buster Benson

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on making your relationship status public
me and kellianne
buster
I love this quote from the article, For College Students, if it's Facebook, it's Love: "I have NEVER changed my Facebook status -- it has always been single, even when I started to get involved with girls. I think it's better this way, until you are VERY serious, because people look, people talk, etc., and unless it is super-serious it can ruin any chance with any other girl!" one young man, who asked that his name be withheld to avoid alienating his current and many ex-girlfriends, wrote in an e-mail.

I was talking to someone the other day about whether or not it was a good thing that relationships are being defined, challenged, represented online like this more and more.  I was on the side of good.  Even when it causes problems.  The problems that come up as a result of defining your relationship too soon, or too late, on Facebook or Myspace, are problems that are really there, and not just created by these sites.  Also, I've said before that I think relationship sites should start popping up more and more... dating sites are so popular, and I don't think the drama, mystery, intrigue, and market doesn't disappear once you start officially dating someone.

What do you think?

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I noticed that when you change your status from 'in a relationship with ____' to 'single', it pretty much tells everyone on facebook that you've broken up with that person. In real life, I would never send an email to my whole address book and tell them my relationship was over.

I don't like to see the little broken heart icon!

Yes, exactly. But don't you think updating a profile on facebook is a lot more indirect (and therefore less in your face and pity-seeking) than sending an email to everyone? It's more like filing for divorce than sending a letter to everyone in your phonebook that you've broken your oath to God and the universe.

But yeah, the little broken hearts are sad. So is breaking up with someone.

shaun never changed his status even though he said it was serious. i guess now i know, he wanted to not lose his chance with any other girl. haha. guess that's why it didn't work out.

I took the opportunity of a FB message from Avery asking if it he could change his status to "in a relationship" to start our breakup conversation. It's a good thing - it's like you say, the problems are real anyway.

i always keep my myspace on 'in a relationship' just to keep the weirdos away. now that i am in a relationship i don't really care what it says. my facebook doesn't say either way. which is fine. i feel like facebook is less date-y than myspace since you are ideally already friends with the people in your network. the people who know i am in love know because i want them to know--the rest could probably care less. heh. but i have to say i know people who get upset when they boyfriends refuse to change their status--totally agree that if that's a problem it exists offline.

we've discussed this before, and after my last break up, when i had to change my status from "in a relationship" to "single" on FB and see that little broken heart and broadcast it to everyone i decided - no more status updates on ze intarwebz. myspace is the only site that makes you choose a status, and even if i wasn't in a relationship i'd say i was to prevent creepy emails. also, if you read my blog or view my flickr stream and are semi-intelligent, you can figure it out. ;)

I can't remember if mine is public or not now - though of course it says "in a relationship." We got into some weird thing because I'm friends with like her CEO and a few others there and thought maybe it was none of their business that she dated someone who owned a company in the same biz. But then we stopped caring.

On the flipside, I've loved finding out about engagements on facebook. Like Amanda and Cameron. It's so fun!

Were I single, that thing would sit in one state - either single or in a relationship - until I was living with someone again. Playing those games brings people nothing but grief I think.

I remember feeling really good about being the first to change my myspace page back to "single" when I broke up with my mean, nasty ex. We'd both had the talk in person, but it felt good to flip the switch and leave him floating out there...

I don't know if this is the appropriate response, but: AWESOME! I love it.

Did you follow these two? What do you think of the experiment? Is their failure a reflection of the experiment's nature? Is their failure statistically significant?

It seemed to slightly resonate with your post so I passed it along to you. I, myself, didn't follow it. I am a writer for Boinkology so I kept sort of taking a cursory glance at the editorializing on the project. luxnightmare is the smart and savvy editor of Boinkology and she seems to have no shortage of opinion on the subject.

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