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buster


Buster Benson

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bird poops on plum branch
buster
When someone compliments you, what's your first reaction, regardless of how you respond outwardly: do you think to yourself, "that's right" or "that's not true"?

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It depends. There's also, "really??"

"really??" might be a slightly more positive form of "that's not true". it's good because it's the only response that implies that you're actually affected by the compliment.

I've been training myself to just say thanks in response over the last few years instead of any other reaction.

Sometimes, I just feel the compliment and it feels gooood.

Other times, like the time a coworker commented on my projection of confidence and good posture last week, I immediately keep the poker face and think: "huh? well, that's bullshit. nice try." Nevertheless, after a moment of being taken aback I just said thanks again. And later, I thought about how I really don't think I lack the confidence as strongly as I used to, but I'm not sold that it shows in my appearance yet. But that's another discussion.

i've been working on the thanks response too. it's so tempting to try and compliment a person back or brush it off... but much better to just say thanks and perhaps return a compliment in the future when they're not expecting it.

I used to always argue with the person if I felt they were wrong, but now I have no problem saying THANKS!!@(#*!&@(#

Depends on the compliment. If it's something that makes you think "that's not true", but you get the same compliment over and over from lots of people, then it might be true whether you like/know it or not.

If it's something that makes you think "that's no true", the other possibility is that the complimentor just has lower standards than you do, which is not always a bad thing. People I work with often freak out about some of my code or something, but I don't take those compliments to heart because I know they don't know what they're talking about. All they've said is that I'm better at it than they are, which in the case of most people, isn't saying a lot.

Or, they could just be trying to get into your pants.

I'm very narcissistic, so usually, I do agree.

It depends on the compliment but my first reaction is usually "that's not true." even if upon reflection I do think it might be true! It's just my low-esteem instinct to say "nuh uh," automatically. But I am trying lately to graciously accept compliments no matter what I think on the inside. It's hard, though.

What's yours?

I'm not exactly sure... strangely, I think I'm more of a "that's right" internal response haver.

really? well next time I compliment you, you should say "that's right." :)

ps I'm really bummed I can't make it to the first meeting of the birthday committe. :(

oh, i forgot that you have poetry stuff on monday's now. where will it be? maybe you can come by after?

you are supposed to have my schedule memorized! what's wrong with you?

It is actually at my house next week! I could probably get there by 10 or 10:30 depending on what time people leave.

you're going icon crazy!

I know, and I'm only using 14 of 41 icon slots. It's exhausting.

That is the awesomest icon EVER.

that's not true. I mean, thanks.

I say "thanks" but usually, internally, a separate non-logical part of me says "that's not true", which I'm trying to fix through reprogramming.

I have issues with small talk, and I have issues with "How are you?" because my instinctive reaction is nearly always honesty -- however, honesty sometimes means negativity, and the side effect of that is (which is also completely applicable to compliments) that small talk FORKS false empathy, or even worse, actual empathy, and everybody hates having to issue false empathy.

Since I'm not exactly Mr. Empathy, I never realized that until recently, though.

But the standard program is:

Q: How are you?
A: Good
-- NO ACTION TAKEN

Q: How are you?
A: HORRIBLE
-- WHAT'S WRONG
-- CAN I HELP
-- I ACTUALLY DON'T CARE

However, I've discovered that "How are you?" is actually just a way to say "Hello" most of the time, unless it isn't.

So, I either lie, or in the interests of honesty, these days I just respond with the sound "aehhhhyaaahhheeeee", because it's not true, and it's not false, it just is.

yeah, not only am i a bit disdainful of small talk but i'm also bad at it (the virtuous cycle of most hateful things). i agree with you here... my only comment would be that there are several ways to be honest... literal honest (taking the literal meaning of words) is only one kind and probably not very reliable. i think emotional honesty (or, honesty of tone, or intent) is much more reliable and this is what makes the "how are you?" honest... we all DO just mean hello by this most of the time, and meaning hello is a friendly, simple, honest, thing to mean i guess. now, when all your friends invite you out for drinks and then surround you and pat you on the shoulder and look you in the eye and take away your drink and then how "HOW ARE YOU" with hands folded and heavy gazes, THEN maybe they mean something other than hello.

i do like the mu response too. sometimes i respond with a number. "how are you?" "6" "6 what?" "6 kittens in cups"

to "how are you" i answer yes or no!

and what was the other question? oh about compliments. i think: Ror!

I was complimented on my ass last night while waiting for the 10/11/43.

I believed it and said "thanks" even though the girl was acting drunk/high.

Damn you LJ cookie for fleeing by browser!

if it's a compliment about anything more personal than my shoes, my first thoughts are of all the ways in which that person is wrong.

when it's something like "you're the coolest girl i've ever hung out with," i think OF COURSE I AM, DUMBASS. but the other day this guy in the gallery said, "wow, you have perfect teeth." i thought WTF, are you on crack?

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