bird poops on plum branch

buster


Buster Benson

No advice column.


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completely different
bird poops on plum branch
buster
Today I'm thinking about how all of us have, for the most part, completely different lives. And that everyone else, too, is having a completely different life. Throughout all time. Can we even begin to comprehend? Unlike sound or light, which travel through air, emotions stop before breaking orbit from our own bones and skin. Experiences can never be translated or relayed much beyond our own electromagnetic field. Of course, you can be in the same place at the same time as another person, and that's about as close to sharing as we can get. Even then, unless you're emotionally close as well, you can still be in a completely different world.

Even the people we're close to, or have been close to, unless they're in the same place at the same time, and, ideally, in the same mindset, mood, emotion, and thought-space, are in a completely different world. An alternate universe. No wonder miscommunication happens.

If I could share more of my life more, I would. Wouldn't we all? If we could all be in the same room, at the same time, each experiencing everyone else's experiences, each responding to the same stimulus, would that be better or worse? I mean, it's the variety that keeps us interested in each other in some ways.

I've been thinking about the most important-because-they-were-difficult-or-amazing times of my life recently. Deaths, relocations, gambles, breakups, meetings, bondings. So much is possible with each passing minute, but there are really only a handful of minutes that act as black holes, mountains, explosions that have a big impact on the rest of our lives. I think about the difference between using experiences versus feeling experiences. About people I've used, or been used by, and how that was safe and interesting at the time. Sometimes even good. About people I've let roll over me in torture and enjoyment, and how that was unsafe and full of impact at the time. Can a balance be found? Yes. With one person I've found that golden ticket. With everyone else, I haven't.

This is my third night in a row staying in and thinking about the possibility of sharing. Self-expression is in many ways the highest priority, but it's the ability to share that self (after first discovering it and articulating it) that is the true reward.

When do you feel like you are the most yourself?

When do you feel like you are your best self?

When do you feel the most understood?

When do you feel the most vulnerable?

When do you feel happiest?

When do you feel most?

Who the fuck are you?

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i, anomalous . i remember .

i have a question for you as well . tonight, i'm willing to feel vulnerable and to make a genuinely coherent attempt at communication with another person, albeit via the internets . i've chosen you because you're generally an optimist ( i admire that in you ), and i place a lot of value in both your thought processes and your opinions .

given the state of world affairs ( political, environmental, socio-economic ), have you the nagging feeling that some profound paradigm shift is imminent ( occuring within the next five years ) ?

if so, what are the emotions that guide your perceptions of our near future ?

When do you feel like you are the most yourself?

When do you feel like you are your best self?

When do you feel the most understood?

When do you feel the most vulnerable?

When do you feel happiest?

When do you feel most?


aside from the "when do you feel happiest" bit, i've spent quite a bit of time thinking about this stuff lately. i'm enjoying feeling-- feeling most, feeling too much... it kind of aches, feeling the good stuff aas well as the bad, but it reminds me that i'm here, which is something that i find worth being reminded of.

who the fuck? it's hard to say.

who the fuck are you? are you the same someone outside of your relationships? are we all who we are, only in a context? are you the most you alone in the woods, or with your people? or does it change?

I think we all show different sides of ourselves in different contexts, but I would say that I feel like the same core person in almost all contexts at this point. It was a several year conscious decision to combine my worlds so that I didn't have to be someone different to different people. It's much easier just to have one self.

I feel the most myself when I'm alone, for sure. Or in the company of one. Groups create pressure to heed the needs of the group. To play along to a certain extent. And I love that playing along, in many ways it's much more complex than being yourself and in some ways more rewarding.

I actually have different answers to each of these questions. They're tough to answer.

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