bird poops on plum branch

buster


Buster Benson

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14: the big stretched-out space of conflicting emotions
bird poops on plum branch
buster
A dozen things are happening right now and the emotional responses to them are all conflicting, clashing, entangling, and smashing into each other in a giant way.  Things are good, great, bad, terrible, exhausting, inspiring, scary, and so comfortable.  How is it possible to have all of these emotions at once?  I'd think my brain would cancel conflicting things out, but somehow they just all sit there side by side, impossibly.  Since they can't resolve themselves, or even look at each other, they just stretch everything out into a big space... so that they don't seem so near each other but are still all inside me.  Know what I mean?  I used to have a resolver emotion that just chose a winner and pushed everything else out, but that resolver emotion seems to have been pushed out himself by these crazy, gigantic, mushy, emotions that roll around and----

?

I can't help but think that this big big space is being made in preparation for something.  For a bigger experience of life, where the lambs and lions of giant conflicting emotions live in peace together, and a new kind of mindset emerges that understands how that all works, and works together because it's actually natural.  Actually the way things should be, the way things are.  And with this giant space you can take in giant things hook, line, sinker, fishing pole, boat, and ocean.  The blind men can understand the entire elephant.  You can close your eyes and travel up and down your arm as if there were light years to your fingertips and yet millimeters at the same time.  People you love inflate into giant paradoxical balloon animals filled with magic, surprise, wonder, torture, pain, love, vulnerability, and energy.  All of the dimensions unfold into a single point.

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i think this means you're moving into perceiving the world more in shades of grey, rather than in black & white, although I don't think of you as someone who does the latter.
but, i can definitely relate.

"I can't help but think that this big big space is being made in preparation for something. "
This is exactly what is going on with me right now and my thoughts were the same. There is definitely a shift going on for me.

I know this. I call it plate techtonics.

I mean plate tectonics. Spelling is important.

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