bird poops on plum branch

buster


Buster Benson

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Live it out
bird poops on plum branch
buster
Letter to the fantastic whale at the end of the universe who is eating an ice cream cone and standing on a tower of turtles that goes all the way down,

Hi.  I'm still alive.  I'm on an internet diet because I was gaining internet pounds and started salivating every time I reloaded a page or saw an envelope icon.  It's tough not saying things on the interweb because it feels suspiciously like not thinking at all.  How did we think before we had the internet to post thoughts onto?  Psychologists are bewildered.  Let me just tell you.  I have a lot of ideas.  And maybe endless energy.  I've also started tearing up during the cheesiest of commercials.  Anyone else cry a little with big sad happy tears while watching the new Windows Vista commercial?  Wow.  How about the coke commercial where the video game guy starts helping everyone?  WAAH.  So sad happy!  It's weird having these new feelings.  It's like I got contact lenses on my emotions.  I feel the negative ones too: anger, frustration, AAAAAAAH!, fear.  Maybe a radioactive spider bit me.  I want to draw comics!  Build a zodiac!  Reinvent karaoke!  I want to eat pint after pint of ice cream because it tastes SO GOOD.  I want to start a life coaching school, and reinvent the membership card.   I want to saber champagne bottles and smash them on boats.  On my head!  Bam!  I want to tell you something but the opportunity hasn't arrived.  It's like a dream where something important is always JUST ABOUT TO HAPPEN.  I think I'm experiencing lower lows and higher highs both at the same time!

Quick aside: What do you do when you have a difficult problem or undesirable situation?  I usually stuff it into the back of my brain and mull it over until I  have an answer.  Except the back of my brain is packed full of problems and undesirable situations already so I try to dodge the difficult things.  And that's where fallbacks come into play.  Self-medicating by watching more Veronica Mars.  Or drinking.  Or working on some new project.  Or going to the gym.  Or venting to a friend.  Or screaming.  Or calling someone I haven't talked to in a while.  Or reloading the page.  Or reloading again.  Or checking email.  Or checking email on my phone. Or pissing a good friend off on purpose.  Or acting like I don't know what I did.  Or taking one of those yellow pills that I don't like but forget why but then remembering why.  Or writing in a secret diary.  Or getting really drunk.  Again.  Or making a list.  Or being a ball of evil.  But the next day more things come and you're recovering from your last batch of self-medication (ow my head, ow long apology email, ow breakup) and they don't seem as helpful when you're still recovering but you try anyway.  And it's worse!  A new plan must be made!  I need a new way to thrive with this madness and it's called Project Living It Out(tm) Fest 2007.  Is it really not 2008?  Wow.  I was pretty sure it was, but I guess it's not.

Life is short(tm) and we should all be playing in a big big game.  The biggest we can get our grubby paws on.   We should all be being more honest, more open, more crazy, more vulnerable, more in it to win it, more risky, less fearful, less bored, less escapist, more inventive, more talk, more emotional, more action, less wishy washy, more less, less more, more more more, less, because imagine your problems of which there are oh so many and then imagine how much the fantastic whale at the end of the universe that is eating an ice cream cone and standing on a tower of turtles that goes all the way down feels about it, and what this fantastic whale's advice to you would be.  LIVE IT OUT.  By being all in, the chances of living and having the ideal scene go up by .45%.  It's true, there have been studies.  Case reports.  Your mileage may vary.  Money back guaranteed!

I tend to be a private person, even though it seems like I'm living everything in the public sometimes.  Well, there's a lot that I don't share.  Because I don't want to bother you!

Maggie and I broke up.  I'm single again.  I think we're going to be okay though... right?  Yes, if we have any say in it at least.

Sometimes I worry that I've made the biggest mistakes of my life by doing the things that seem the most right.

I'm not good enough to pull this off. 

Sometimes I think I've discovered the secret to the universe.  And that it's all too beautiful and easy and perfect.

Am I difficult to talk to?  Can you try again?  I'll try to be easier.

Live it out. 

Second verse same as the first, whale.  Ciao. 

Love,
Buster

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What's the "ideal scene"?

The ideal scene is heaven for atheists, and it has to be something in this universe. But it can be anything.

Wow, manic x 1023. Go higher lows.

I'll be getting you some jukebox concepts this week, I swear. My mind is bursting with thoughts on that. I've also got a general sort of member-card-integration scheme for music/photo/whatever that would provide a "cohesive user experience across the mcleod properties" for members. Or someshit like that. I got a little infected by my brief time at MS, I think.

I wish I could just go McLeod projects all the time. I realized recently that it's very close to my dream job, which is making fake software for movies. Instead it's like making real things for people that like to live like they're in a movie. Which is harder, but better.

You'll be fine if you manage to refrain from going totally nuts.

Avogadro's Mania? It is higher lows... not quite as fun as higher highs, sort of like flooring the gas and the break at the same time, but it's definitely something. It's not nothing.

Yes, part of the ideal scene is living in a fake movie. That's it exactly. But a real fake movie, that's more real than real life. I can't wait until we can all work on these things all the time. That day must come.

"Instead it's like making real things for people that like to live like they're in a movie. "

i really like that... totally fits you too.

that's interesting -- i was just talking to someone on myspace yesterday about how the mcleod photobooth makes people feel like they're 'trapped' inside some strange movie, some 'strange attic of life' or something like that. this place is completely surreal; our funny tech-y projects inside of it make it even moreso. it's scary and strange and actually just really awesome.

" We should all be being more honest, more open, more crazy, more vulnerable, more in it to win it, more risky, less fearful, less bored, less escapist, more inventive, more talk, more emotional, more action, less wishy washy..."

this sounds like a beautiful way to live yet totally exhausting.

true. though, if we don't use our energy for this, what are we going to use it on? but yeah, i agree that it's probably not possible to be this all the time... everyone goes through cycles of up and down, high and low, but the idea is to use this momentum to make those cycles bigger and wider. without killing yourself.

Yeah... I didn't want to bring it up when I saw you last, but I heard about the breakup and I'm sorry for your sadness over it.

I think you're great, though, and I admire you a lot for tackling the highest highs and lowest lows and always living life to the fullest. :)

extremer extremes

(Anonymous)
Hey Buster, it's Nina, writing from Colombia!

I admire your endeavors, your idealism, your zest for life, your charisma, your creative business sense, and many other qualities...you are one-of-a-kind, and you have inspired many others to do and be more...but I know from firsthand experience, at least from a relationship standpoint, that eventually a cycle of higher highs and lower lows becomes draining and defeating...I am an absolute believer in the beauty of the quiet, mundane middle ground, to be used as an essential springboard to life's more extreme moments! Is mediocrity truly something to be avoided at all costs? The folks who know higher highs and lower lows best are often those seeking escape (what you want to avoid, yeah?) from the everyday...As someone else commented, a life of extremes is exhausting! psychologically, physically, emotionally...Make sure you leave room for the quiet moments, to notice and appreciate the small failures, small pleasures, small successes, and small nothings...

Best of luck, te mando cariño de Colombia!

to the ice cream diet

How about an ice cream and pho diet? I think it can work. Glad you're keeping it real BM.

you've missed your greatest self-medication which is writing posts to inspire other people to achieve the highs and lows that you are striving for too. on one hand it seems like a cop-out, like it's all shit that you're too much of a pussy to really tackle on your own, so you pawn the idea off on your koolaid drinkers. but on the other hand, it's great to have a support system of people who want to better themselves right along with you. it helps keep you afloat.

but which is more effective, or are either? and does the action of stating plans really DO anything?

does emily haines know that she's inspired a lifestyle manifesto? it's based on hugs, right?

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